found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
