so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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