My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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