speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
