I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
