Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
