I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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