I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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