I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
