6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
