help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
