They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
