God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
