he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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