6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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