People in love make me want to vomit
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
