ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
