Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
