Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
