he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
