Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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