It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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