he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
