y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
