Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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