You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize