I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got inside last night via doggy door
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
