Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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