True but thats because hes a fetus.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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