shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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