Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
