am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Come on in and take your pants off
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