The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
