So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
