im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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