Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
