You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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