let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
