Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
