I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
