if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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