i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
