So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
