So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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