I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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