I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
