Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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