the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
