Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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