your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
