She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
