Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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