Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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