Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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