I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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