East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
