How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i've created a new STD.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
