Kareoke will never be a sober sport
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
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If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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