I wish I only lived at night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
