I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
