This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
