I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
