I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
