It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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