i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
