i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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