The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
