What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
