yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
