You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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