Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
