You smell like stripper and shame
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
