garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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