dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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