so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You have to summon your inner elephant
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
