Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
